Saturday, February 22, 2014

You know you are a boy mom.....

When:

*your son is always sticky, dirty, wet or involved in some activity to promote these states of non-cleanliness.

*you genuinely get excited when a fire truck or a "digger" comes within sight... Even if your son is not with you.  

*you never ever ever can go out to dinner and sit for more than 90 seconds before you or your partner have to walk around the restaurant, while the other *shovels* in their dinner.  Which usually ends with you sitting at the end of the meal waiting for the check looking like a weirdo with three plates of food in front of you, all alone.  This is always when some hot 25 year old boy walks by and looks at you in disgust.  Just wait, you hottie.  Just wait!  This shitshow is you in no time!!

*even when you get "dressed up" by throwing on clean yoga pants and go out solo with your big girl handbag (instead of a diaper bag), you still have several die-cast dump trucks, half eaten granola bars and a binky in your bag... And usually in your pocket too.

*your son legit subsists on air. He eats nothing. Ever.  Until one night he gobbles up the entire meal you have slaved over and you do many fist pumps in the air, in the kitchen by yourself, excited that he actually ate something!!  You repeat the next night thinking you've really turned a corner..... And he immediately sweeps entire contents of tray onto the floor with a quick flip of the wrist, with a 'nope, not happening again' look that makes you want to jump off the balcony.

*wherever your child goes he is usually hoarding 6-10 trucks in his hands at all times.  God forbid you ask him to put one down or use a hand to drink, eat or put a jacket on his body.

*you are constantly running, racing, up & down and all around.  Chasing this wild animal all over town!   Yet, you're not yet a size 2- WHY is that?  I feel like I should be the slimmest person on earth!!! 

*you really have no need for a stroller.  It is merely a jungle gym apparatus to climb in and out of, especially when you are trying to get somewhere.

*you always have a selection of balls in aforementioned stroller- usually tennis or small brightly colored plastic balls for the spontaneous playground scrimmage.

*your living room is always a disaster area- as in one step away from being condemned by the board of health for an abundance of trains, trucks and wayward puzzle pieces everywhere.  Your decorating style has gone from "shabby chic" to "Thomas-Bruder-Melissa & Doug Chic".

*your son loves to snuggle with you, is hysterically excited to see you, and you are the *only* person in the entire galaxy that can make everything ok.  

*you have a boy that thinks you are the most beautiful and magnificent supermodel on the planet.

*life is good.  Thank goodness for little boys

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